Epiphany..

I just realised how long it has been since I last blogged. I've gone from this insignifant, annoying website being my life, to not wanting anything to do with it at all. I haven't even thought about looking at my friend's blogs for at least a week now. Why? I don't know. It's not that my life is just so perfect that I have nothing to rant about. It's not that I'm so miserable that I can't even bring myself to write it down. It's not that I don't care what's going on with my friends.
It's just, become nothing to me. Pointless, time consuming, and unnecessary.
Frankly, I had just decided I had better things to do than ramble about my life on the internet. Who is annoying me this week, what I feel at that very moment. Hoping that someone will read it and feel sorry for me, or pay attention to me.
Though, I do miss it. This is where I came to let myself go, to write down what I needed to, and to make myself feel better. To be able to read it all later on, and try to understand exactly what I was feeling that time, though I never will.

For a while, I haven't been ranting to much on the internet for others to read. I've been ranting in private. Taking it out on myself, or whoever I happen to be talking to at that moment.
I've decided that was a really stupid idea. I realised that last night when I was fighting with my 'significant other' because I hadn't talked to them about what was bothering me, and just ignored them all together.
Relationship suicide.

So here I am again. I hope you didn't miss me too much.
I have just as much goss as always, though, I don't think all of it needs to go up here anymore. Maybe just the not-so-important stuff.

One not-so-important thing involves my attitude towards school and my future. I had a kind of epiphany the other night while I was laying in bed flicking through one of my brother's aircraft magazines.
My dream, is to be a pilot. It's just how I've always seen myself. I know I would be good at it, I know I would love it, I know it's what would be the perfect job for me. The freedom, the control, the appreciation, the honour, the concentration. I can see myself sitting in the cockpit, flying a plane, and knowing that I have done the right thing with my life.
Before that night, I had always seen myself as being a pilot. But I'd never understood the amount of effort and determination that actually required.
So there I was in bed, thinking about my future, and how I don't want to struggle or be miserable, or be regretting my childhood. And I researched the one thing that might be able to save me.
ADFA.
Australian Defence Force Academy.
I can go there, and train to be a fighter jet pilot. I get the training I need, I get the discipline that my life needs, I learn so much that I will never struggle with anything. And afer 6 or 7 years, I am free to do whatever I want, knowing that I worked hard to get there.
And I plan to work so hard, that when I finally have this pilot license, and when I finally work for QUANTAS, and when I'm sitting there with my Captain's badge, I will know that I've done the right thing with my life, and I won't regret anything.
I'm not stopping until I succeed.
Mitch made it to the 8th interview and gave up. That won't be me. I want it, I am willing to work for it. I will try, and try and try again until they accept me.

Well, at least, that's what I want for now.
Who knows what tomorrow may bring...

Another not-so-important thing.
I really have to pee.