Change.

Our lives are full of change.
Everday we make new decisions, change our mind, realise greater things and follow them.

There's change in our family.
A new family member, or loss of a family member.
Moving house.
Moving in, moving out.
Realising that you no longer love your parents/brother/sister as much as you used to.

There is change in your school life.
Change of subjects.
Of friendship groups.
Of classes.
Of teachers.
Change of the uniform.
A new timetable.

There's change in yourself.
New hair, clothes, appearance.
Change in personality.
Change in interests.
Or in possessions.
Or in sexuality.
You can change your mind about something/someone.

You can't go one day without change.
Drastic or not.
Noticeable or not.
Good or bad.

When someone you are very close to starts to change, it shows dramatically.
It can be good or bad.
For the right reasons or the wrong ones.
If it's bad, do you want to stay that close to them?
What if it's not something about themselves that they change, but if they're making the wrong decision?
Do you stick with them, despite your own feelings towards it. Do you try to talk them out of it, and show them your point of view. Or do you just simply ditch them?
Are they that important, that you will bother with the effort of trying to turn them around, even when their mind is set?

I hate change.
I quit my swimming club because of that very reason.
It started to change. The pool, the people, the committee.
So I left, I couldn't cope.
Good idea? I thought so at the time.

I didn't give the new people a chance. I didn't bother to get to know the committee, or even try swimming in the new pool.
I assumed that the coach was going to be horrible. I thought too many changes would be made for no reason.
So I just up and left one day.
No goodbye, it wasn't worth it.

It was one of my biggest mistakes.

I miss it.
I miss the way I was so thin, so fit.
I miss the way it meant I was allowed to shower 2 times a day.
I miss making new friends, meeting new people, and having fun.
I miss the marshalling, the time keeping, the broken records.
I miss having something that I could call a talent.
I miss the way the water felt as my hand sliced through with every stroke.
I miss the way diving into a perfectly flat bed of water made me feel so alive.
I miss the way I used to have to dive in while holding my togs up, so that my boobs didn't 'pop' out.
I miss the way I could hold my breath for more than one lap.
I miss the way I could swim 50m in 18 seconds.
I miss always being scared of hitting my head for my tumble in backstroke.
I miss counting the strokes before the end for that reason.
I miss looking up for a split second while I breathe, and seeing everyone cheering me.
I miss looking beneath me, and seeing the lines at the bottom moving so fast as I go.
I miss faking a headache so I wouldn't have to do butterfly.
I miss the way wearing flippers made me feel almost invincible.
I miss the way I was always the fastest kicker.
I miss how it made my arm muscles so huge.
I miss how my goggles used to fill up with water, so eventually I was just like, 'fuck it' and never wore them again.
I miss the chlorine stinging my eyes.
I miss the haze that the world got once I was out.
I miss how it felt like my nails had grown.
I miss bomb-diving during races.
I miss the way walking always felt wrong.
I miss the way it refreshed me.
I miss the way I could hop out at the end of our session and know that I worked hard.
I miss the way everyone knew my name.

It's changed, I know.
But I miss it more than ever.

So that's what I'm talking about.
Let's say someone I'm very close to, someone I can trust with my life and they can trust me with theirs.
Someone who knows all my secrets, and who tells me all of theirs.
Someone I can talk to for hours with it only feeling like minutes.
Someone who has been so miserable for months now, about something personal to them.
Someone who doesn't let that misery show, ever.
Someone who asks for my help, but ignores it.
What if they decided that the one way to make them happy, would be to resort back to something they didn't want.
What if it made sense to them, but not to me.
What if I know they're making the wrong decision, but I don't know what to say?

What about if they aren't sure what they want. But are making this wrong deicison because they're tired of not knowing?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Well, I do actually.
I'm not making the same mistake, like with my swimming.
I know, what the hell does my own swimming club have to do with this?
It's simple.
I gave up on my swimming club.
But I'm not giving up on you.

Even if you think you've made up your mind, and think that you're making the right choice.
I know you too well.
I know that you don't really want to do this, no matter what you say.
So I guess, I'm not letting you do this.
I'm here for you to talk to, and I'm here to help you.
To turn you around.

And I will turn you around.
I hate you being so miserable. But doing this won't help one bit.
I'll make sure things get better.
Somehow.

I hate change.
Change in friends, that you can see so dramatically.
Change that spirels them down, down, down.
I hate things being different.

But different doesn't always mean worse.
It just means different.