Stupid, stupid, stupid.

You know, I just spent an hour writing this blog. And then deleted it.
Then wrote some more, differently, and deleted that too.

I don't know what to write.
I know what I want to say, and I know what I feel.
But I don't know how to word any of it.

I wrote about anticipation and torture. About friendships and emotions.

But none of what I wrote sounded right to me.
It got to the point where I had to get up and walk away, just to think.

I just deleted a whole other paragraph too.
I've decided that I don't even know if I'm sure what I feel anymore.

I can try to word it I guess.
I feel lonely, dependent, scared, curious, unwanted.
I feel like all I want to do right now is call you and cry.
And I feel like you'd hang up on me.
I feel like I should text you and ask for help.
But I feel like if I did, you wouldn't reply.
I feel like there's something that you're keeping from me, and I feel like it's because it's something to do with me.
I feel like I've become too attached to you, that it hurts.
I feel like you don't want to be around me anymore.

I feel like the one person in my life that I want to talk to the most right now, doesn't want to talk to me.
And that only makes things worse.