I'm losing.

I'm losing everything these days.

My friends.
My will to learn.
My fight.
My morals.
My barrier.
The wall that keeps my emotions hidden from everyone.
I cried while I was on the phone the other night. I've never done that before.
Then she cried. So I cried more.

I'm losing my strive to be all I can be.
I'm losing sight of my goals and how to achieve them.
I'm focusing more on others than myself.
So I'm losing myself.

I have a maths assignment that is due on Tuesday, and I haven't completely finished a single question in it.
I find anything that can distract me.
I'm losing my want to be a pilot. Because I've lost the will to work to get there.

I'm losing the strength I used to have that kept me sober.

I'm losing my mask.

I'm losing the part of me that told me what was right and wrong.
So I never know anymore.
I've lost that part of me that never wanted to be the kind of person that drunk alone, or lost sight of what they wanted to do with their lives.
So I drunk alone last night. And I've decided I no longer want to work to be a pilot.

I'm losing my brain cells.
My grades are slipping, and they've been slipping since grade 10.
I used to try to stop that, but now I can't even be bothered.

I'm losing my want to be here anymore.