Purple monkey.

We never fall for the people we're supposed to.

I told you!

I told you I didn't want your attention.

That's a lie.
I always want your attention, I always crave it.
I want to be around you, and to talk to you, and to hug you and know that you'll hug me back.
But I can't ever have that anymore.
I can't sit with you like we used to, I can't talk to you like we used to, I can't hug you because I know what's going to happen after that.
And I know that I'll regret it.

I hate that feeling. The feeling of regret. Knowing that you could have avoided the whole situation by just making one small change to something you did earlier. Cursing yourself because you didn't do that, because now it feels like you were asking for it.
Do you ever get that?

I can't help it. You think about that moment, for so long, it feels like you don't have anything else to think about...or you can't think about anything else.
You think about those steps that got you there in the first place. Why you were there to start with? What made you sit closer to them? What was it that possessed you to bring your face so close to theirs? How come, every fibre of your being was telling you to pull away, but you ignored it all?
These, these are the questions that haunt me.

What was I thinking?
I know what happens afterwards, I know the exact outcome. I know what's going to happen, before it happens, the entire time. And that's all I'm thinking about. How much I'm going to hurt in the end, and yet, I didn't pull away.
Nooo, I stayed there, curled into your arms, the place I always want to be, but knowing that I never really can stay.

Stop apologising to me, you've done nothing wrong.
It was all me. I could've stopped myself if I really wanted to. I guess, I don't listen to reason when I'm with you.

I did pull away.
At the end, after the damage had been done, after you had grabbed my heart and squeezed the life out of it, like you always do. I just wanted to go home.
I convinced you that you were tired and I should leave. And I did.
I didn't say goodnight to you, I didn't give you one last hug. I grabbed my stuff, and walked out your door, into the pitch black, into the freezing winds, into the trees that blocked your house from the road.
Was I too obvious?
Apparently.
Because you seem to know now, what I'm feeling.
You don't know why, but you feel the need to apologise.
So....your apology, isn't sincere then?
It can't be. If you don't know what it is that you're apologising for, how can you really mean it?
You don't, simple.

And that's what hurts.
That you don't really understand.

You'd think, if you truely wanted to figure it out, then you could, quite easily. Just by going over those moments, the things that were said.
You can pretty much get it straight out.
And it happens every time. Every time.
And still, I put myself into that position, to get hurt, again.

Why?
Because I will always want to be with you.
Maybe I don't pull away, because each time, I hope that it will have a different outcome. I hope that things will go a different way. I hope that you won't always bring her up to me.
Stupid, isn't it?
I should know better than to hope for the impossible.

That's why I need to stop.
I don't want this feeling anymore.
And I say that to myself every day. Every stinking day.

I don't like it, I don't want it.
Make it stop. Someone, please.

I just wanna talk.

I need human contact!

gobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobble.

I want someone to talk to, someone to hang out with.
SOMEWHERE TO BE.
Attention.

But not from you.
No, really not from you.
Maybe, you can decide what you're doing with your life, then you can feel free to talk to me as much as you want. Once I know what you wanna do.
Until then, I actually don't have a whole lot of patience with you. I don't want to listen to whatever is 'hurting' you anymore. I don't want to waste my time helping you, and having it thrown back in my face, like I'm invisible to you.

Whatever is hurting you, is hurting me now.

Puddle of Mud.

Met a girl, though she was grand,

fell in love, found out first hand.

Went well for a week or two,

then it all came unglued.

In a trap, trip I can't grip,

never thought I'd be the one who'd slip.

Then I started to realise,

I was living one big lie.

She fucking hates me,

trust.

She fucking hates me,

la la la love.

I tried too hard,

and she tore my feelings like I had none,

and ripped them away.

She was queen for about an hour,

after that shit got sour.

She took all I ever had,

no sign of guilt,

no feeling of bad, no.

In a trap, trip I can't grip,

never thought I'd be the one who'd slip.

Then I started to realise,

I was living one big lie.

She fucking hates me,

trust.

She fucking hates me,

la la la love.

I tried too hard,

and she tore my feelings like I had none,

and ripped them away.

That's my story, as you can see,

learned my lesson and so did she.

Now it's over and I'm glad,

'cause I'm a fool for all I've said.

She fucking hates me,

trust.

She fucking hates me,

la la la love.

I tried too hard,

and she tore my feelings like I had none,

and ripped them away.

la la la la la la la la la love,

trust.

la la la la la la la la la love,

trust.

And she tore my feelings like I had none,

she fucking hates me.

I am....

WEARING SHORTS!

It feels good.

STILL

YOU STILL TALK ABOUT IT.

IT'S STILL ALL YOU THINK ABOUT.

YOU SAY YOU'RE OVER THEM, YOU'RE NOT.

YOU REALLY, REALLY AREN'T.

YOU FOOLED ME BEFORE, BUT NOW I CAN SEE IT.

I actually believed that things were different. That you had finally started to see that you don't need to be with her.
How could I be so stupid?
It's so clear now. I can't believe I ever thought you were over her.
There's no way in hell that's happening, right?

And now I know.
I know there's no hope of you ever changing your mind about her.
I know that there's nothing I can do.
I know you won't ever be happy with someone else, no matter what you say.

So I can think more clearly now.
Are you worth my time anymore?

Well it's been sorted out.

I don't know how to explain how much I missed you.
We were fighting for no more than 2 days, and I felt so lost, it's not even funny.
It felt like I'd lost a part of myself. Like someone had ripped out a piece of my heart. Like someone had given me a sister, and taken her away from me.

It was horrible.

But now I have you back. I got my sister back :)
Things feel brighter.
I missed you.
Missed you with all my heart.

I love you beautiful.

Even though I know you didn't mean it.

I love you too.

No matter what.

You know how that sounded?

You homo.

AHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Madi is....

BORED
and LONELY

I didn't need to do it.

I didn't need to aplogise to you.
But I still did.
I sucked it up, and I said I was sorry. And I meant it.
I am sorry for the way I spoke to you, if I made you feel like shit. I'm sorry for the way I acted.


I didn't need to say I was sorry. I spoke to you a lot better than you spoke to me.
But I did it.
Why?
Because I fucking love you. And because I hate fighting with you.
You mean more to me than a lot of my other friends.
(I'm sorry)
And I miss you.


But you threw it all back in my face.
Didn't even look me in the eye, didn't even look at me in general.
You turned everything I said back against me. And even tried to make me feel worse.

Way to go babe, it worked.
I feel like shit.
The scar on my leg can prove it to you.



































Eerie, isn't it?
The way it stares....
But it makes me smile, when I look at it. It made me smile when I did it.
God knows I need something to make me smile these days.

It was a lot worse, before.
I accidently scratched it.... I didn't realise until Matt told me there was blood on my ankle.
He told me it looked cool. I think so too.
Doesn't it?
You gotta admit that much.


I miss civilisation.

I should've known.

I should've known I could never trust you. I don't know why I didn't realise it all before.

How could I be so stupid?
I'm so angry at myself.

Is this the first time you've broken my trust? Or are there other times? Times that I DIDN'T find out about.
I knew there was something about you that just didn't fit properly. I knew to always be careful around you. But still, I thought maybe I meant more to you than that. I thought maybe you'd treat me a little differently, a little better.
But no.
And that's why we're in this mess.
Because you fucked everything up.

How could you do this to me?
It was my biggest secret. The one thing that only a handful of people know about. I protect it with my life.
My biggest shame, my biggest embarassment, my biggest lie.
You knew all of that, you knew it all when I told you months ago about it. You knew I regretted it.
You knew I'd stopped.
You knew I hated myself.
How can you do this to me?

You told.

And of all the people.
You told her.

WHY?

You knew it would get out.
All weekend I've been wondering why they kept giving me funny looks, wondering why they weren't talking to me.
And I find out it's all because of you.
YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!

How many others have you told?
What other lies have you spread?
Why are you trying to break me?

You know what's going to happen next.
It's going to spread, it'll spread fast. And then what?
I'm ruined. My life is over.
All because of you.

I knew I couldn't trust you. I've been pulling away. Clearly, I didn't realise that soon enough.
What did I do to piss you off so bad that you had to go and do this?
Or was it just that you wanted some more attention?
You like the gossip.

All I wanted to know was why.
But when I asked, you got defensive.
I told you not to deny it. I know it was you. But you still tried.
And you only dug yourself a deeper hole. Because all you did was convince me that you don't care about me at all. You were just trying to cover your own ass.
You even threatened me.
Who do you think you are??
I never accused you of anything, all I did was ask. I was willing to believe whatever you told me. Believe that it wasn't you.
But you fucked that up.
You only convinced me otherwise.

I've never done anything to you. Only ever been here for you, been the friend that you wanted me to be.

You tried to turn it back on me last night. Like I was the one that had hurt you.
I'm sorry.
HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK?

Thanks to you, I can never go back there, and look at them all the same way.
I can never talk to them all knowing that they all know.
I can never look at you again without wanting to scream.

Some big sister you turned out to be.
Thanks BABE.

And you. You aren't any better.
I turned to you for help last night, while I was being yelled at, threatened, while I had people constantly in my face, "is it true? is it true??"
And what did you do?
You found a way to make everything my fault as well.
Everyone always does.

Then what?
You didn't know why I started ignoring you?
Why I wasn't answering your calls?
Right... You'd done nothing wrong.
I mean, all you did was blame me for getting myself into this mess. You didn't want to help me.

Well, whatever.
Fuck you both.

How about I just quit?
Then you'll never have to deal with me or my 'immature' shit ever again.
I swear, sometimes I wonder why I ever bothered with either of you.
I clearly don't mean a whole lot to you both. Why should you mean anything to me?

"Friendship over."
"WHAT FRIENDSHIP?"

Please.....just...

Just leave me alone.

Let's sum it up.

It started with a bang.

Thursday:
School. Really didn't wanna go, but I was going to Chermside with Ally and Ray afterwards.
My decision was made.
It started out awesome. We had fun, tried on clothes, went bikini shopping. Oh yeah, Ally got her belly button pierced, and Ray got her nose done.
Highlight of my week, watching them squirm.

Thursday night:
It was 6:29pm. I was late for work already. Only just having got home thanks to the asshole of a bus.
In my haste to get changed, I had forgotten to take my belly button bar out, on the odd chance that mum checks it, seeing as I was out at Essential Beauty all afternoon.
...she checked it.
Jokingly, of course. Like she was 100% certain there would be nothing there.
The first thing I said?
"What are the odds?"
I then followed that by laughing hysterically at her, exclaiming that I couldn't believe it took her 3 months to find it.
....Not my smartest idea.
She slapped me.
Hard.
6:35pm - I had to call work and tell them I couldn't come in.
6:40pm - I was having my ass kicked verbally for God knows how long.
She told me I was fucked, I already knew that.
No job, no choir, no singing, no America, no freedom, nothing. She was ending everything for me.

I wasn't upset, I wasn't angry. I wasn't regretting what I'd done.
I found it funny that my mum refused to accept the fact that she hadn't noticed it for 3 months.
She cooled down a fair bit. Said it suited me. Didn't tell me to take it out.
Which is good, cuz I wasn't planning to anyway.

She got on the phone to my dad.
I started to hyperventilate, seriously.
He's the kind of person who would rip it out. Who would physically beat me, he's done it before.
If I wasn't upset before, I was now.
I was planning to run away. My buttercup was going to take me in, her mum knows all about my parents.
My bag was packed, my note was written.
The note clearly implying that I was going to kill myself, in the hope that it might reduce the search for me.
Buttercup convinced me to stay in bed. She started crying, because she was worried for me. She told me to wait it out, see what happens, try talking to my dad.
That scared me.
But I promised to wait.


Friday:
I woke up to the loud bang as my mum threw my door open at 5:36am.
I know that because I freaked out thinking I was running late for school and checked my phone, which, thank God, was still on my bedside table.
But no, she was just pissed.
I showered, and got ready like normal. My packed bag still under my bed.
We got into a fight. I'd waited the night like I promised, and nothing improved. I wanted to get out.
I tried to leave, to walk to school like I usually do when we fight. But this time she stopped me.
She told me that if I left the school today, she would know, and it wouldn't end well. Ha, she really doesn't know me at all.
I want to be free bad enough, there's no way in hell she'll ever find me.

I was planning on not coming home this afternoon. I dunno where I was planning to go, but anywhere is better.
It was 8:25am. My bag was on the bench.
My mum decided to search it. She found it all, and realised what I had planned.
The shit hit the fan.
Lucky I took my cruiser out of the bag....

We fought again, left for school at 8:35am.
She emptied my bag, left me with a sandwhich, camera and my pants.

Dad called me during the concert today. To make sure that I was at school.
I answered just as everyone was cheering.
Suss much?

Tonight:
I got home, and went to my room, I stayed there for a while, on the phone.
I was so scared, my dad was coming home. I didn't know what to do.
I wanted to leave, to get out before he arrived, to make sure I was no where near him. I didn't want him to hit me like usual.

He came home, didn't speak to me, didn't touch me.
Talked to my mum for hours.
They called me out. Expecting a beating, I'd been preparing myself mentally for it. I'd been preparing myself so that I wouldn't cry, I wasn't going to give them that.

But no.
We talked, they told me they were disappointed. I never said "I'm sorry", because I'm not.
I don't regret it. I'm happy with it.
They told me they couldn't trust me, and I don't ever expect them to again. It didn't bother me.

They grounded me.....for 2 weeks.
Yes, 2 whole weeks.

I went from having to quit my job, quit singing, quit choir, quit the America tour. Being under house arrest. No phone. No money. No freedom.
I went from all of that.
To 2 weeks being grounded, with no savings card.
...they're kidding, right?
No. They're dead serious.

I'm honestly, so happy I could cry.
I'm so relieved, it's just, amazing.

To everyone. I love you all so much.
I don't know what I'd do without you. All day, this was all I was thinking about. If you hadn't been there with me, I might have left the school, I mightn't have ever come back.
Thankyou so much.
I was beyond the point of rational thinking, but you guys took care of me.
And I can't ever repay any of you.

Thankyou for everything.
I love you.
xxo

Photo whoring.

Chermside. Allybabe. Hideous Myer Clothes.

Missing The Bus. Unfit. Belly Bar. Red Rooster.

Shopping.

SO FUN!

I should be doing my chemisty.

"Yeah, don't worry mum. Only one more paragraph and I'm finished."

....2 hours later, and I'm still on facebook.

I've written extra 2 words.

LOOK!

Kinda made me want to give him a piece of the chocolate I was eating.

Today was a good day.

I really had a lot of fun. And apparently I was fun to be around today as well. So they kept saying.

Who got to ride the army trucks??

WE DID!

Charming photo, I know.

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS!

That army guy, I can't remember his name, the hot one. Had the BEST tatoo. I saw the bottom of it, around his wrist, and said it looked cool. So he pulled the sleeve up to show me the rest of it.

I'm sure the tatoo was cool. But I'm sorry, he showed me his biceps and I couldn't care less about what was painted on them. ;)

Anyway, I was playing with the guns, and he was showing me how. Turns out, I was doing a pretty good job apparently, cuz he pulls out a land machine gun and takes the stand off it.

SO I GOT TO USE THAT ONE TOO

It was like, my size!

And apparently I did that really well too.

Aww yeah, it's called skillage.

You know what?

Life is fun once you stop thinking.

It's too hard.

It's too hard to ignore you, to be mad at you.
I can't do it.

I can't look at your face and stay angry. Or hear your voice and not acknowledge it.
I can't do it.

No matter how much I want to. Or how much I think you deserve it. How much it hurts to keep talking to you.
I have to do it.

I have to keep you.

Moving on.

I don't fucking like you anymore.
I don't want to be with you, or spend anymore fucking time with you.
I'm tired was wasting my time.
I'm tired of being treated like fucking nothing.

Go back to her.
I hope you work it all out, and have lots of babies, and live happily ever after.
I hope she treats you fucking well, because apparently I'm the only one who knows that she won't.
I hope you have fun with her, because you sure as fucking hell won't be hearing from me ever fucking again.

I knew this would fucking happen.
It's not that much of a suprise really, and still, I can't fucking beleive it.
I treated you so well, I did everything for you. I gave up so much for you. Spent my nights talking to you. Not studying, not doing assignments, not talking to my friends. No, I was fucking up late talking to you...and having to listen to you talk about her.

Well I hope you're happy now.
I spent months being here for you, being the one that you could rely on, being EVERYTHING YOU EVER FUCKING NEEDED.
And this is what happens?
You go back to the one person in your life that was the reason you were so miserable to start with.

You go back to her, you have no more reason to talk to me.

I was here to listen to you bitch and complain. If you're back with her, there's nothing left to complain about is there?
There's no reason for me to even fucking be around.

I hope it really does work out.
I hope she makes you feel special and cared for, just like you always said I did.

Who knows.
Maybe it won't work out with you two.
Then you can come back to me.
Just like everyone else aye. You need me when things aren't going PERFECTLY, but the second something good starts to happen, I can just piss off, right?
You don't really need me, or like me, or want to be with me. You need the attention, you like the attention, you want to be with the one who will give you the most attention.

And she's gotta be giving you plenty of fucking attention now, otherwise you might have fucking replied to me by now.
It doesn't take a whole lot to reply to a text, or answer a phone.
Guess she's giving you enough attention for the both of us. You don't need mine anymore.
Long as you're happy BABE.

Someday you might actually realise that when I gave you my attention, it was my FULL attention, and it was fucking sincere.
Unlike you.
So fuck you.

You've done this to me too many times now, this is where it stops.
This is where I draw the line.
I can only cry so much over you, and I'm way over my fucking limit.
Now I can't let myself cry again until next year. Thanks a fucking heap.

You don't care anyway though, right?
You've got her back, you couldn't give a shit about me.
Well don't stress. I'm happy she's back in your life. I'm happy you're working things out.
Maybe when you tell her that you like her, you'll actually mean it. Maybe when you say you want to be with her, you'll actually mean it.
Cuz you sure as fucking hell didn't mean it to me.
And I can't believe I ever let myself believe any of it.

I hope you get married, and have lots of babies, and live in a nice big house on the beach.
Cuz I'm fucking over you.

I'm over it.

I don't think I like you anymore.

No Air.

Tell me how I'm sposed to be with no air,

can't live, can't breathe with no air,

it's how I feel when I know you ain't there,

there's no air, no air.

Oi, dude.

WTF.

Seriously, like, I just don't get it.
Screw writing this like I'm not directing it at anyone, screw worrying about being too forward, screw thinking about how to word this, screw trying to make this make sense, screw putting anything into proper setances. Screw everything I normally do when I write on here.
This is what I want to say.

I don't understand you.
I don't get any of it anymore.
You scared me last night, you really did. There's a hole in the wall now, and you didn't think that would scare me?
You wonder why I pulled away?
You looked at me as if I shouldn't fear you.
But then you gave me no reason not to.

Things were going so well, things have been going so well for a while now.
I always feel safe talking to, feel secure, feel comfortable.
Last night, I didn't even know you anymore.
I know you get like that, a lot these days, and I'm always on the phone to you, or I'll come see you. But by then, you've already calmed down.
Last night, I was there. I was there when it happened, I was there to see your reaction, I was there to see the tears in your eyes, I was there to see you throw your phone into the wall, I was there to see you clench your jaw.
I was there for everything.

I still don't understand.

I'd never seen you like that before, I don't think I really understood just how bad things hit you. I never realised how you felt.
But I'd never seen it before then.
Now I get it.
But I still don't understand.

I don't understand why you let her do that to you.
I don't understand why you keep going back to her. Or why you always know what's going to happen, but you set yourself up to get hurt instead of avoiding it.
I don't understand why you won't let me talk to her, or why I'm not allowed near her.
Wait, yes I do. Because I'd hurt her.
I'd hurt her because you can't.

I'd hurt her because you don't deserve that.
I'd hurt her because she makes you hurt yourself. Because she doesn't deserve to even know you, because you can do so much better.
I'd hurt her, because, given the chance, she'd probably hurt me too.
I'd hurt her because I haven't ever done anything to her.
And because she thinks I have wronged her somehow.

I don't want to be scared of you anymore. I didn't like it.
I didn't like that fear that I couldn't hide from my face.
I didn't like the way that without even realising, I moved away from you.
I didn't like the fact that you'd noticed before I did.
I hated how I couldn't fix it.
I hated the look on your face when you saw me.
I hated that I wanted to hug you, but I couldn't.
I hated that I felt so unsafe, when I know I had no reason to.
I hated that she had caused all of that.

Why?

WHY CAN'T YOU PULL AWAY FROM HER ALREADY?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
SHE TREATS YOU SO BAD, YOU KNOW SHE DOES, EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SHE DOES! BUT YOU KEEP GOING BACK TO HER.
AFTER EVERY FIGHT, EVERY ACCUSATION, EVERYTHING. SHE DOES NOTHING TO HELP YOU. YOU ALWAYS FIX IT.
WHY??
YOU'RE "ATTACHED" TO HER? THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.
HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY STILL WANT TO BE WITH HER, AFTER ALL OF THIS? THE LIES, THE MANIPULATION, THE NIGHTS THAT YOU SPEND FIGHTING WITH HER.
How can you not see that she doesn't deserve to be around you?
IT ISN'T FAIR!

It's not fair on you, it's not fair on me.
It's not fair on the people that you isolate yourself from.
It's not fair that she's all you ever think about, even when I'm with you, even when I'm kissing you.
What about the fact that she's all you ever talk about? Even when we're watching a movie.
How about the fact that you're setting yourself up to be miserable every time you call her?
Or how you call her, even though you're out with me?
HOW IS THIS FAIR ON ANYONE?

You lie to her, telling her you're home alone.
You lie to yourself, saying you're doing nothing wrong.
You're lying to me, everytime you say "love you".

I lie to her, everytime I say that we don't ever spend time together.
I lie to you, when I say that this doesn't bother me.
I lie to myself, because I believe you when you say "love you."

I cry.

I can't sit here and watch her do this to you anymore.
I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore.
I can't watch you cry anymore, I can't watch you set yourself up anymore.
I can't watch you lie anymore.

I want to leave you, to pull away.
I'd get more sleep, I'd feel less depressed, I'd have more time to be there for others.
I'd have cheaper phone bills.
I wouldn't have to stay up all night, waiting for you to call me because you've turned your phone off.
I wouldn't have to cry because you hurt me.

But I can't ever leave you.
Not ever.
And I cry because I even think about it sometimes.
You mean too much to me, you need someone you can lean on and talk to.
You need me, I need you.

Please, I'm begging.
I don't want this anymore. I want you to be happy.
I want you to look me in the eyes, and tell me that you like me, without your phone in your hands.
I want you to hug me like you mean it.

Things aren't always bad like this.
I love being with you, and not even having to talk. I love how I feel so comfortable with you.

Last night we had fun.... we were in a hospital, but it was fun.
We talked like we used to, about everything. I looked into your eyes, and I knew that you were happy.
We lay for hours not saying anything, but I knew that I was the only one you were thinking about.
Then she called. And that all changed.
Then you threw your phone into a wall.
I lay there, and I held you for hours, just to show that you do have someone who cares about you. And still, she was all that you were thinking about.

I'm not jealous.
I'm angry.

"You know, everytime she walks past you, your fist clenches."
"Hahahaha, omg, does it really??"

Fix this.
Or I will.

If I can't have you....

Then I don't want anyone!

Touch my body, throw me on the floor, wrestle me around, play with me some more.

Went to Chermside today with my Ray and Allybabe.

New DRESSSSSS!

CAN'T WAIT TIL RIVERFIRE!

We were caught!

Oh....the shame.


Shhhhhhhhhh

Yep.

You know what I really don't like?



Naive people.
(Genah, I wrote this before you facebooked me. TWINS)
The ones that can say things, and not have any idea about what they're talking about.
The ones who go around thinking, "I know I'm right, I know I'm right, I know I'm right."
And actually be completely wrong.
Not because their opinion is wrong, no, that doesn't make sense.
But because they actually have NO FUCKING IDEA about the world, and about what goes on around them.
They don't understand, because they've never seen it.
And so they go around, thinking the sun shines out their fucking ass.
You're stupid. You're stupid. You're stupid.
Do something about it.




Bitchy people.
Snobby, ungrateful, full of themselves.
Thinking EVERYYYYONE is below them. And being so happy to make that verbal.
They can even do it about their friends, because they KNOW that they're better than them.
Pft, who needs to actually like their friends anyway, aye?



Judgemental people.
They pick someone, they look them up and down, and they judge them.
They don't even bother talking to them first.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Everyone deserves to be heard, to be given the chance, to be listened to.
Why deny them that? Hmmmmm?
I don't do that, despite what might be thought.
At least I try to get to know someone first. And if I don't like them, then I have every right to make my judgements.
You don't want to show me the real you, then don't go crying because I judged you based on what you did show me.



Follwers.
Those people that just want so much to be liked, that they drop everything they believe in, and follow.
They pick someone, and they make that person their God.
Doesn't matter what they believe in, or what they know is right or wrong. They'll side with their new found Yoda, and that's the end of it.
And they'll lose people that really would have liked them for them because of that.


Users.

I see so many of them around these days, it's unbelievable.
They're with you for the good times, then piss off the second it gets bad.
Why? Because they need someone to do things for them. They need someone to be their pet.
It disgusts me.



Perfectionists.
Everything has to go according to what they planned.
Everyone has to agree with them.
No, you aren't allowed your own opionions, listen to me me me me me!
Hahahaha ok, well you can have all your mindless drones agreeing with you.
Thanks, but I think I'd respect people a lot more if they agreed with me because they actually wanted to.
I'd respect people a lot more if they spoke up and gave me their opinions, instead of staying quiet because they're scared of what I'll do to them.
And I know there's always going to be a lot.
Why?
Because I actually know what is right and wrong.



Superficial people.
OMG LET'S GO SHOPPING, AND BUY SOME NEW CLOTHES, AND THEN WE CAN DAYDREAM ABOUT BOYS, AND THEN WE CAN ALL GO THROW UP TOGETHER SO WE'RE NICE AND PRETTY!
You're not pretty.
Maybe on the outside.
But since when does that matter?
Let's focus on personalities, what do you think? I prefer it.
Lots of people actually prefer that. It's really only the minority that seems to focus more on looks.



Try-hards.
Yes, you.



Clueless people.
So wrapped up in their own lives, that they really couldn't give a fuck about what's going on around them.
Wake up princess. People other than you have problems, if maybe you wanna listen sometime.



Self-absorbed people.
You know, if they could just look around, there's a lot that they've been missing.
They can't seem to grasp the fact that people have harder lives than them.
People are in need of help.
They think their life is sooooo hard the second one little thing goes wrong.
They don't even know what hard is.
My mum told me she hates me.
She locked me outside the other night. I had to break in.
Do you hear me complaining about how hard my life is?
No.
Why?
Because I realise that people have their own problems, and need someone to talk to.
So that's what I do.
How about everyone give it a go?
It's not that hard to put others first you know, if they really do mean something to you.
I can put my issues below those of my friends. Can't you?



Depressing people.
They focus so much on every little thing, and stress so much, and don't even bother thinking about anything good.
They miss all the good things that happen to them, because they spend so much time bitching about every little thing that's gone wrong.
Get over it.
Life is better than people make it out to be.





Just a general observation, of course. Not directed at anyone.
Wouldn't want to upset anyone now, would I?

You're stronger than that.

You are. I know it.


I know a lot of people who would've just rolled over by now, curled inside themselves, and given up.
But not you. You haven't done that yet.
And I'm not letting you.

I'm looking after you.

Let them talk, let them bitch, let them do whatever the fuck they want.
They don't own you. They don't control you.
They don't like you, it's their own fault.
It's not your problem if they always manage to find something wrong with you.
It's their own fault for not seeing what's right in front of them..

And her.
Yes, her.
Ignore her, ignore what she says, ignore what she does, ignore it all.
She doesn't appreciate you.
She doesn't deserve to even know you.

You hold it together so well, no one would ever know.
But I know, I can see behind that mask. I can see you hurting.
And it hurts me.

I admire your strength, your courage, your stamina.
Everything about you.
You should too.

Doesn't matter what goes on with them, or what they say about you, to you.
You're beautiful, you're amazing, you're everything to me.
Don't lose that strength.
Don't get hurt anymore.
Don't make me watch it.

She can get fucked.

The amount of times I've had to restrain myself from hurting her, when she walks past me.
The thoughts that go through my mind, how I can hurt her like she has hurt you.
You can say revenge is wrong.
What she does is wrong.

She's so lucky, and doesn't even know it.
She has a best friend who would jump in front of traffic for her, bend over backwards for her.
And she still doesn't understand.
She still takes it all for granted.
And treats you like shit.

I promised.
I promised I wouldn't do anything, I'm staying away.
You know how hard that is?
Everytime I see her, my fists clench.
But I can promise you, the second you give me the 'ok', she's going to regret everything.

I can be a bitch, I know it.
When it comes to my friends, I'll do anything.
I'll hurt someone. Don't care who it is.
And I'll crush them, bad.
I've done it before, and I'll do it again. No one messes with my friends.
Fuck with me all you fucking want.
But they're off limits, kay?

I don't like her.
She knows that.
She knows to keep her distance.
Thank her for me?

Love you, gorgeous.

You know what I love?

Being able to be myself around people, and knowing that I'm safe.

I've been myself all day today, it felt amazing.
I haven't been able to be like this in so long.
I'm always hiding.
The reason? I think it'd just end badly if I said it.
That's all that you need to know.

But I felt so comfortable today. I want to stay like this forever.
In this mood, in this light, in this feeling of belonging.
I love it.
And so I'm going to make it stay.

You guys can fight, and hate me, all you fucking want.
I'M HAPPY.
I REALLY COULDN'T CARE LESS.
BYE GUYS!

It's official.

Yeah.
I'd also like to make a formal apology.

I don't regret the things I said.
I still believe that I had a right to say the things I said, even though you might think otherwise.
I was standing up for what I know to be right, so you can say what you want, it doesn't phase me.

But I'm sorry.
I know there were other ways I could've gotten my point across.
But unlike what you may think, I know I had the right.

I still mean everything I said.
But I'm sorry that I said it in the way that I did.
You didn't deserve the way I spoke about about it, and I know that now.
So I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry that I let myself speak the way that I did.
I'm sorry that I stooped to that level. The one that I hate.
But I did, and I can't take it back.



And just to make it official.
I do love all of you.
But I can't be in this position anymore, I hate the fighting, I hate the bitching.
I hate the blogs.
So, I'm going to leave.

I love you all beyond belief, but I need to be somewhere where everyone likes being around each other.
Somewhere where I feel like I belong.
Instead of just being in the middle, watching everyone secretly hating each other.

I found that place.

Awww yeah.

This isn't from today.
I just love this photo..

I

had the best day!

And I
love life!


AND
Megan is sexy.
And has a comfy ass.
And I love all of them so so so much, cuz they make me smile.


I knew it'd be a good day. I could just feel it.


I love youuu.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Hahahhahahaah.
Omg, you want to know why I stopped sitting with all of you?
It's because of this.
Because of this fucking blogger.
Every fucking second blog is a bitch about someone. Someone who is SUPPOSED to be your friend.
Friends don't do that to each other.
And I'm sick of it.

I left because the people that I felt closest to, were getting so hurt by the rest of you, that I couldn't stand to be there anymore.
I couldn't watch it all happen.
I wanted to leave, and come back later when it was all sorted out.
And that didn't fucking happen.
You still all secretly hated each other.

I look out for the people that I care about.
I listen to their problems, and I fight back if you hurt them.
Can't handle it?
Don't hurt my friends.
I don't care if you sit in the same fucking group.
I'll tear you a new asshole.
And I'll do it as painfully as I possibly can.

I can be a bitch.
You haven't seen that yet.
I don't think you want to.

You guys can sort it all out.
I got tired of the bitching, the immature remarks. Everything.
Get back to me when you all grow up a little.

Just to get it out there.

That was horrible.
That was disgusting.
That was.....beyond the kind of person I thought you were.

I don't care what you say. It doesn't matter who that really was directed at, whether I know them or not.
I don't care.
You don't say that. Ever.

You don't post something like that ON THE INTERNET about ANYONE, no matter what they may have done to piss you off.
THAT is the kind of thing that can send someone so far down inside themselves, that there might not be a way back.

You don't understand, do you? Just how much your words can affect someone.
Whether it's calling them fat, or just plain bitching about them. When it's written, things seem so much worse, things seem so much more real. People get so much more hurt.
How can you purposefully do that to someone, honestly?
I thought you were different.


It doesn't matter what they might have done that pissed you off so bad.
No one deserves to read something about them in such a way. No one deserves to find out that you hate them because they read it on the internet.
No one.

Yes, when I read it, I thought it was about someone else.
Someone close to me, someone I love.
Someone who means the world to me, and someone who you hurt.
I know, the probability that it is actually written about her is very low.
But does that make right?
Yes, I would be relieved beyond belief if it really wasn't.

But do you think that everything would be fine again after you wrote that?
Could I look at you the same way?


You wrote some horrible things.
Read it over again, and imagine that I wrote that, imagine I wrote it about you.
Don't you just want to cry?
Don't you want to know why I hate you?
Don't you want to know why I haven't actually stated what it is that you've done wrong, but for some reason, I can't stand you anymore?
So why is that again, you think you have the right to say these things?

You think so much of yourself, and you don't realise.
You say these things about others, but do you know that you are only describing yourself?

No, you don't realise.

I don't understand.
I dont' see how you can even believe that you have the right to say these things.
You judge people, you bitch about them. You post disgusting things about them over the internet.
And you still think you are in the right with all of this?
How do you plan to make it better this time?
You have no case. It's wrong, you know it. Fix it.

Read it. Read it again. Think about it.
How do you feel?
I don't know how you can change this.
You can't delete it, ignore it, pretend it never happened.
It's been said.
And now everyone knows just how bad you lash out, and how we should probably all stay on your good side.
We don't want something like that written about us.
On the internet.
In a blog.
But now at least we're aware of how you can get.
Thanks for letting us know.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I ever respected you, I looked up to you, I admired your acceptance of people.
I'm sorry I ever let myself believe that mask that you wear.
Because now I've seen the real you.
And I don't like her.

I don't know what to think anymore.
The person I loved, the person I was friends with. She isn't here anymore.
That wasn't her. That was someone else. Someone I would never even associate with.
How can these two people be one in the same?
How can I keep my love for you, now that I know you represent everything I hate about a person?
The judgements, and disrespect, the overall disregard for another person's feelings.
I don't think I can accept it.


I've said it before, and I will say it agian.
People like YOU are the reason that there are so many miserable people in the world.