Let's sum it up.

It started with a bang.

Thursday:
School. Really didn't wanna go, but I was going to Chermside with Ally and Ray afterwards.
My decision was made.
It started out awesome. We had fun, tried on clothes, went bikini shopping. Oh yeah, Ally got her belly button pierced, and Ray got her nose done.
Highlight of my week, watching them squirm.

Thursday night:
It was 6:29pm. I was late for work already. Only just having got home thanks to the asshole of a bus.
In my haste to get changed, I had forgotten to take my belly button bar out, on the odd chance that mum checks it, seeing as I was out at Essential Beauty all afternoon.
...she checked it.
Jokingly, of course. Like she was 100% certain there would be nothing there.
The first thing I said?
"What are the odds?"
I then followed that by laughing hysterically at her, exclaiming that I couldn't believe it took her 3 months to find it.
....Not my smartest idea.
She slapped me.
Hard.
6:35pm - I had to call work and tell them I couldn't come in.
6:40pm - I was having my ass kicked verbally for God knows how long.
She told me I was fucked, I already knew that.
No job, no choir, no singing, no America, no freedom, nothing. She was ending everything for me.

I wasn't upset, I wasn't angry. I wasn't regretting what I'd done.
I found it funny that my mum refused to accept the fact that she hadn't noticed it for 3 months.
She cooled down a fair bit. Said it suited me. Didn't tell me to take it out.
Which is good, cuz I wasn't planning to anyway.

She got on the phone to my dad.
I started to hyperventilate, seriously.
He's the kind of person who would rip it out. Who would physically beat me, he's done it before.
If I wasn't upset before, I was now.
I was planning to run away. My buttercup was going to take me in, her mum knows all about my parents.
My bag was packed, my note was written.
The note clearly implying that I was going to kill myself, in the hope that it might reduce the search for me.
Buttercup convinced me to stay in bed. She started crying, because she was worried for me. She told me to wait it out, see what happens, try talking to my dad.
That scared me.
But I promised to wait.


Friday:
I woke up to the loud bang as my mum threw my door open at 5:36am.
I know that because I freaked out thinking I was running late for school and checked my phone, which, thank God, was still on my bedside table.
But no, she was just pissed.
I showered, and got ready like normal. My packed bag still under my bed.
We got into a fight. I'd waited the night like I promised, and nothing improved. I wanted to get out.
I tried to leave, to walk to school like I usually do when we fight. But this time she stopped me.
She told me that if I left the school today, she would know, and it wouldn't end well. Ha, she really doesn't know me at all.
I want to be free bad enough, there's no way in hell she'll ever find me.

I was planning on not coming home this afternoon. I dunno where I was planning to go, but anywhere is better.
It was 8:25am. My bag was on the bench.
My mum decided to search it. She found it all, and realised what I had planned.
The shit hit the fan.
Lucky I took my cruiser out of the bag....

We fought again, left for school at 8:35am.
She emptied my bag, left me with a sandwhich, camera and my pants.

Dad called me during the concert today. To make sure that I was at school.
I answered just as everyone was cheering.
Suss much?

Tonight:
I got home, and went to my room, I stayed there for a while, on the phone.
I was so scared, my dad was coming home. I didn't know what to do.
I wanted to leave, to get out before he arrived, to make sure I was no where near him. I didn't want him to hit me like usual.

He came home, didn't speak to me, didn't touch me.
Talked to my mum for hours.
They called me out. Expecting a beating, I'd been preparing myself mentally for it. I'd been preparing myself so that I wouldn't cry, I wasn't going to give them that.

But no.
We talked, they told me they were disappointed. I never said "I'm sorry", because I'm not.
I don't regret it. I'm happy with it.
They told me they couldn't trust me, and I don't ever expect them to again. It didn't bother me.

They grounded me.....for 2 weeks.
Yes, 2 whole weeks.

I went from having to quit my job, quit singing, quit choir, quit the America tour. Being under house arrest. No phone. No money. No freedom.
I went from all of that.
To 2 weeks being grounded, with no savings card.
...they're kidding, right?
No. They're dead serious.

I'm honestly, so happy I could cry.
I'm so relieved, it's just, amazing.

To everyone. I love you all so much.
I don't know what I'd do without you. All day, this was all I was thinking about. If you hadn't been there with me, I might have left the school, I mightn't have ever come back.
Thankyou so much.
I was beyond the point of rational thinking, but you guys took care of me.
And I can't ever repay any of you.

Thankyou for everything.
I love you.
xxo